First Time Sex Tips – What to Expect, How to Prepare, and How to Enjoy It

If you're about to have sex for the first time – or you're in those awkward early days of figuring it all out – welcome! You're not behind. You're not broken. You're not weird for feeling nervous or unsure. You're just normal.

Sex takes time. And for most newlyweds, it doesn’t look like the movies. It’s more like, “Wait, is that the right spot?” and “Should we have Googled this first?”

So whether you’re counting down to your wedding night or still in the figuring-it-out phase, here are four things we wish someone had told us about first-time sex – plus some resources to make it way less awkward.

1. Set the scene – for your body and your brain

Creating a peaceful, playful, pressure-free atmosphere goes a long way. That means:

– Communicate your expectations ahead of time

– Set up the room so it feels relaxing (candles, music, clean sheets – yes please)

– Remind each other that this is just the beginning – not a performance

If you’re not sure what to expect, the Ultimate Wedding Night Guide walks you through it all – from how to prep your body to how to shift your mindset.

2. Don’t skip foreplay – it’s not just a warm-up

Foreplay isn’t optional – especially for wives. Your body needs time to get aroused, and that’s not something to rush through or feel guilty about.

Try this: spend time kissing, touching, and exploring before even thinking about penetration. You might even decide to wait on that part altogether the first time – and that’s totally okay. We love to recommend having a shower together on your wedding night. It gives you the chance to see each other naked without any pressure to move to intercourse, and it allows you to do an activity that is calming to your nervous system.

Want ideas? The 31 Nights of Intimacy guide gives you daily prompts that slowly build connection and pleasure without pressure.

3. Talk about it – even if it’s awkward

First-time sex can bring up all kinds of feelings: insecurity, disappointment, anxiety, or even laughter (which we fully support, by the way).

The key is to talk about it – gently, honestly, and with zero shame.

Questions like:

– “What felt good?”

– “Was there anything that felt uncomfortable?”

– “Do you want to try something different next time?”

Not sure where to start? Our Figuring Out What I Like Guide can help you (especially wives!) explore and express what actually feels good.

4. Don’t expect fireworks – expect a learning curve

Here’s your permission to throw out the fantasy of instant, mind-blowing orgasms and perfect positioning. Real first-time sex is usually messy, clunky, and sweetly vulnerable.

It’s okay if it doesn’t work the first time. Or the second. That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It just means you’re learning. Together.

If pain has been part of your story so far, don’t miss this post: Check our friend, Jess Seitz, who specializes in this area at Pain Free Intimacy where you can receive practical help (use the coupon code KS5 for 5% off).

Our Top Newlywed Resources

We bundled everything you need for a strong, connected start:

– Starting Life Together Bundle – includes the 3 guides below:

– Ultimate Engagement Guide – to prep your heart and relationship

– Ultimate Wedding Night Guide – your no-pressure roadmap for that first

night

– Ultimate Newlywed Guide – to help you thrive in that first year (sexually,

emotionally, and spiritually)

Or explore more ideas at our Newlywed Page

💛 Want Daily Intimacy Support?

Check out our Unite & Ignite Club – a monthly membership for Christian couples who want to grow closer emotionally, spiritually, and sexually.

Here’s what you get:

– Daily intimacy challenges

– One planned-out date night each month

– A chance to win prizes every night just for being in the club

It’s like a connection reset button – every single day.

Join here to start building rhythms of intimacy and fun.

FAQs

What if we haven’t had sex yet – are we behind? Not at all. Every couple is different. Focus on building trust and communication – the rest will come.

It hurt – what should I do? Check out this post: What If It’s Painful?. Pain is common, but not something you have to live with. There is support.

What if I didn’t orgasm – is that normal? Totally! Especially for women – it can take time to figure out what feels good and how to get there. You’re not broken. You’re just beginning.

You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to be present, patient, and willing to learn together.

Your first time is just that – a first. Let it be what it is, and know there’s so much beauty ahead. 💛