How Important Is Sex in a Marriage? Why Physical Intimacy Matters for Connection

If you've ever wondered how big of a deal sex really is in a marriage, you're not alone. Especially in the busy or stressful seasons, it can feel like one more thing on the to-do list - or like it's supposed to be magical and effortless and deeply spiritual... all at once.

So let’s take the pressure off and get honest about why sex matters - and how it can actually become something that strengthens your marriage, instead of stressing it out.

1. Sex is a form of communication

You probably know how important it is to communicate with your spouse - to talk, listen, share honestly, and show up for each other emotionally. But physical intimacy is another kind of communication.

It says:

– “You matter to me”

– “I choose you again”

– “Let’s be one in every way - not just roommates”

And when sex is handled with mutual respect, curiosity, and love, it becomes a powerful way to build trust and safety.

Related post: Unpacking Expectations in Marriage

2. It’s not about frequency - it’s about connection

There’s no “right number” of times you should be having sex. What matters more is that both spouses feel wanted, heard, and safe to express their needs and desires.

For some couples, intimacy might happen a few times a week. For others, a few times a month. The important part is keeping the connection alive – not hitting some invisible quota.

If it’s been feeling like a struggle lately, you’re not alone — this post might help: When Sex Feels Like Just Another Chore

3. Physical intimacy helps deepen emotional and spiritual intimacy

God designed sex to be a bonding experience - body, mind, and spirit. And when it’s nurtured in a safe, loving marriage, it can actually deepen the emotional and spiritual layers of your relationship.

It’s not the only way to connect, but it is one way God wired us for closeness.

Our 31 Nights of Intimacy guide offers daily prompts to help you rebuild connection through small moments of affection, touch, and attention, with zero pressure for full intercourse every time.

4. It’s a practice - not a performance

Sex isn’t supposed to be perfect. Or performative. Or Pinterest-worthy.

It’s a practice – something you grow in together. There will be seasons where it’s awkward, clumsy, inconsistent, or emotional. That doesn’t mean something’s wrong. That means you’re human.

If you’re newly married, check out our Ultimate Newlywed Guide – it has practical advice for working through the intimacy learning curve with grace and laughter.

Recommended Resource

Starting Life Together Bundle – Three guides designed to help you build a strong sexual and emotional foundation for your marriage, including:

– The Ultimate Engagement Guide

– The Ultimate Wedding Night Guide

– The Ultimate Newlywed Guide

Want Daily Support in Your Intimacy?

Check out our Unite & Ignite Club — it’s the easiest way to keep intimacy a priority without overthinking it.

Inside you’ll find:

– Daily intimacy challenges

– One planned-out date night every month

– Nightly prize opportunities just for participating

Join today and take one small step toward deeper connection. Sign up here.

FAQs

What if we’re not having sex much right now? Start with connection. Don’t force it. Use touch, conversation, and affection to slowly rebuild closeness. The goal isn’t a number - it’s togetherness.

We have mismatched drives - what do we do? Talk about it honestly. Focus on what each person needs to feel connected. You’re not opponents - you’re teammates.

What if I’m feeling emotionally distant too? Start with presence. Even sitting close on the couch and holding hands can be a good step. Check out our Retreat to Reconnect for a deeper reset.

Sex isn’t the only important part of marriage - but it is a meaningful one. Not because of the physical act, but because of what it represents:

Trust. Connection. Grace. Joy. Recommitment.

Wherever you’re at right now, know this - you’re not behind. You’re just growing. And that’s a beautiful place to be.