Have you ever wondered why we fall into patterns of behavior that we know deep down we don’t want? Whether it’s pornography, infidelity, or other struggles with sexual brokenness, these patterns can feel impossible to escape, leaving us trapped in cycles of shame and frustration. But what if these struggles were actually pointing us toward healing?
We recently had the honor of interviewing Jay Stringer, author of the incredible book Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing, and let us tell you—it was a game-changer. Jay has such a compassionate, insightful way of reframing sexual struggles, helping us understand the “why” behind these behaviors instead of just trying to white-knuckle our way through them.
Understanding the “Why”
One of the biggest takeaways from our conversation with Jay is this: your sexual struggles aren’t random. They’re tied to deeper wounds, unmet needs, and unresolved pain in your life. For example, those feelings of loneliness, rejection, or even childhood experiences can all create pathways that lead us to unwanted behaviors. But here’s the good news: by understanding those pathways, we can begin to find freedom.
Jay’s approach isn’t about piling on more shame or guilt—because, let’s be real, we’ve all had enough of that. Instead, he helps us see these struggles as invitations to dig deeper, to bring our pain into the light of God’s healing grace.
The Role of Shame and Secrecy
If there’s one thing that keeps us stuck, it’s shame. Shame convinces us that our struggles make us unworthy of love or connection, and it thrives in secrecy. But, healing begins when we stop hiding. Bringing your struggles into the light—whether that’s with your spouse, a trusted friend, or a counselor—breaks the power of shame and opens the door to healing.
What Can You Do?
If you’re navigating sexual struggles or supporting someone who is, here are a few steps we talked about with Jay that might help:
Get Curious, Not Judgmental Instead of shaming yourself or others, start asking questions. What pain or unmet needs might be driving these behaviors?
Find Safe Community Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Whether it’s a counselor, a support group, or even your church, find people who can walk with you in grace and truth.
Invite God Into the Mess This isn’t about “fixing yourself” for God—it’s about allowing Him to meet you in your brokenness and lead you toward wholeness.
Pick Up Unwanted Seriously, this book is a treasure. Jay’s insights and practical steps will give you tools to start understanding your story and finding freedom.
Why This Matters for Marriages
Sexual brokenness doesn’t just affect individuals—it impacts marriages too. Whether you’re the one struggling or you’re walking alongside your spouse, these patterns can create barriers to intimacy and trust. But here’s the hope: when we allow God to work through these struggles, they can become stepping stones to deeper connection and healing in your marriage.
Listen to Our Interview with Jay Stringer
We can’t recommend this episode enough. If you’ve ever struggled with unwanted sexual behaviors—or if you love someone who does—this conversation will challenge, encourage, and equip you. Jay’s wisdom is like a flashlight shining into dark places, helping us see that healing is possible and hope is real.
Check out the episode and grab a copy of Unwanted while you’re at it. You won’t regret it.
Final Thoughts
If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. God sees you, loves you, and has a plan for your healing. Your struggles don’t define you—they’re just part of your story. And with the right tools, community, and God’s grace, you can find freedom and intimacy again.
Let us know your thoughts on this topic, and don’t forget to tune into our episode with Jay Stringer—it’s one you don’t want to miss! ❤️
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