Sex Tips – Practical Ways to Improve Pleasure, Communication, and Connection

Let’s be honest – sex can feel confusing sometimes. You love your spouse, you want more connection… but the whole thing can feel like a puzzle no one ever gave you the pieces for.

So where do you start when you want sex to feel more connected, enjoyable, and even (gasp!) fun again?

You don’t need to overhaul everything overnight. Small shifts can make a big difference – and here are four to try.

1. Talk Before You Touch

Sometimes the best sex starts outside the bedroom – with a conversation.

It might feel awkward at first, but try asking things like:

– “What kind of touch feels good to you lately?”– “Is there anything you’ve been curious to try?”

– “What’s one thing I do that makes you feel desired?”

If talking like that feels intimidating, we’ve got your back – the Figuring Out What I Like Guide helps you explore touch and preferences in a fun, non-pressure way.

Related post: Unpacking Expectations in Marriage

2. Slow. It. Down.

When life is busy (hello, work, parenting, and the million other things), sex can feel like something you need to rush through. But slowing down is one of the most powerful things you can do.

Try this: set a timer for 10–15 minutes where you’re only allowed to kiss, cuddle, or explore touch without rushing to intercourse. You might be surprised what that builds.

Want to go deeper? Our 31 Nights of Intimacy ebook gives you a month of prompts to explore each other’s bodies and desires in small, intentional ways.

3. Use Tools – Not Just Willpower

Sometimes better sex means bringing in a little help – whether that’s practical or playful.

– Use lube. (Seriously – even if you don’t need it, it can add comfort, ease, and fun.) We love Evree’s oil-based lube – gentle, long-lasting, and totally body-safe (use the coupon code KINGDOM for 10%).

– Wear something that makes you feel confident – even if it’s just a silky robe or nothing at all. We’re big fans of Mentionables, a no-model lingerie brand that’s beautiful, modest, and still totally hot (use the coupon code KINGDOM for 10% off).

– Set the mood with lights, music, or even a fun, spicy date night you don’t have to plan.

Want more recommendations? Try our 5 Ways To Spice Things Up freebie for simple, sexy ways to build connection.

4. Stop Aiming for Perfect

The best sex isn’t perfect – it’s playful. It’s laughter when something weird happens. It’s trying a new position and falling over. It’s pausing to ask, “Do you like this?” without shame.

Let go of performance. Embrace connection. You don’t have to be amazing, you just have to show up open-hearted.

And hey – if you're feeling pressure, check out this post: When Sex Feels Like Just Another Chore. You’re not alone.

Want More Support for Your Marriage Bed?

Check out our Unite & Ignite Club – a monthly membership for Christian couples who want more connection, fun, and faith in their intimacy.

Each month you get:

– A fresh intimacy challenge every day!

– A done-for-you date night

– Prizes to win every single month!

Ready to build a sex life that feels like a team effort?

Join Unite & Ignite

FAQs

We’re struggling to talk about sex – where should we start? Try a resource like Figuring Out What I Like or use our Yes! No! Maybe? Checklist – both take the pressure off and make the convo feel fun.

I don’t feel confident in my body – how can I enjoy sex more? Your body is good. Your spouse chose you. Start with kindness and see what unfolds.

How do I make sex feel more fun again? Don’t overthink it. Start small. Pick a tip from above and try it this week. And if you’re stuck, our 10-Date Bundle is full of ideas that will do the planning for you.

You don’t need to be an expert in anatomy, desire, or dirty talk. You just need a heart that says, “I’m willing to learn, to laugh, and to love you better.”

Start with one of these tonight – and let us know how it goes. 💛