Exploring "Dirty Talk" in Christian Marriages: Balancing Passion with Honour
If you're in a marriage, you know that it's a special bond filled with love, trust, and faith. It’s like a dance, where you're constantly figuring out the steps together. And when it comes to what's said (or not said) in the bedroom, things can get a little tricky. We often hear about "dirty talk" and can't help but wonder, "Is this okay for us?" Ephesians 5:3-4 gives us some guidelines, but let’s dive a little deeper into how we can express ourselves verbally without crossing any spiritual lines.
Ephesians 5:3-4 reminds us:
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.”
This scripture can often raise eyebrows and lead us to wonder: Is there a way to communicate intimately with our spouse without crossing any boundaries?
Understanding God's View on Intimacy
It's paramount to understand that God sees and understands every aspect of our lives, including the intimate moments we share with our spouse. But intimacy isn't solely limited to the physical act. The way we express our love, attraction, and desires verbally also falls under this category. While the Song of Solomon portrays passionate exchanges (check out our e-book on intimacy based on Song of Solomon!), it doesn’t mean we have to limit our expressions strictly to those poetic verses. Sex is a divine gift, and there's no scripture that mandates complete silence during the act. The question isn't about whether it's acceptable to talk, but how we choose our words.
When Is Dirty Talk Inappropriate?
It's essential to respect mutual boundaries in marriage. Both partners must be comfortable with any form of intimate verbal expression. If words make one spouse uncomfortable or feel disrespected, it's a clear signal to recalibrate. A Christian marriage, after all, is about feeling respected, protected, and secure. Here are some markers to guide you:
1. Mutuality: Ensure both partners are on the same page about introducing or continuing verbal intimacy.
2. Respect: Steer clear of words that degrade, disrespect, or discomfort your spouse.
3. Swearing: The question of profanity is a personal one. But as always, the principle is to honor God and each other. Is the language you’re using uplifting, or is it necessary?
Initiating Verbal Intimacy
If you're looking to start verbal intimacy, begin gently. Talk during intimate moments, express what you feel, and ensure your words are encouraging.
Ideas to Consider:
- Use endearing terms: Saying your spouse's name can be both intimate and comforting.
- Compliment genuinely: "You are so gorgeous," or "I can't stop thinking about how hot you looked today."
- Express anticipation: "I can't wait to see you tonight," or "Still thinking about earlier and craving more tonight."
- Be explicit, but respectful: "I want you so much right now," or "I'm counting down the minutes until we’re together."
Christian marriages, like all others, are built on trust, love, and communication. Introducing or maintaining verbal intimacy is about ensuring both partners feel loved, respected, and connected. Always ensure your words echo the love Christ has for the church – unconditional, respectful, and pure.
Want to some practical ideas on how to use "dirty talk"? Check out our Talk Dirty To Me episode where we go into more detail!