Q&A: Morning Erections, My Wife's Body Hair, & Do Pillows Improve Sex?

I think men should accept women having body hair. My husband wants it all shaved. Discuss.

The conversation around body hair—including pubic hair, leg hair, and armpit hair—often centers on cultural norms and personal preferences within a marriage. While some cultures, like those in France, find visible hair very normal, others may find it "weird" or unexpected. Within a marriage, this can become a "tough one" because it involves a compromise of desires, similar to the dynamics of a high drive, low drive couple. One spouse may choose to shave as a "gift" or a sacrifice, while the other may accept the hair for a time, perhaps choosing a "winter coat" for the colder months and shaving for the summer.

Ultimately, the goal is for both partners to feel confident. This is comparable to fashion choices, such as a wife preferring baggy jeans or a specific loungewear set (like a sweatuit) that her husband might not personally love. If a woman feels truly confident in her body with hair, it is important to have an open communication session to explain the "heart behind it". Alana and Tiera note that a healthy compromise often means not wearing a specific "eclectic" outfit—like a linen jumpsuit—on a date night if it doesn't appeal to the husband, while still wearing it at other times because it makes the wife happy.

What can I do as a wife to spice up our marriage and pursue my husband?

To spice up a marriage and intentionally pursue a husband, there are a "bajillion resources" available through Kingdom Sexuality, including the United program and the It’s Getting Hot in Here sex challenge. Practical steps include using a mirror to see yourself from a different perspective, turning on the lights, or adding intentional lighting to the room. Building anticipation through sexy texting (or sexing) is a great way to show a husband he is being pursued, as "men like to be pursued too".

Other creative ideas include wearing lingerie under everyday clothes and telling him early in the day, or using the Intimately Us app for daily prompts. Understanding a husband’s love language, such as words of affirmation, allows a wife to challenge herself to affirm him as a provider even if it isn't her primary language. Specific challenges like His Pleasure can take a wife out of her comfort zone and make a husband feel deeply loved. Books like The Flirtation Experiment and Passionista are also recommended for those looking to be more intentional in the bedroom.

Do lift pillows really help?

The effectiveness of a lift pillow or a wedge pillow depends entirely on a couple's specific anatomy. Before purchasing a professional version, it is recommended to experiment with regular pillows by "bulking them up" and placing them high under the wife's hips—rather than just under her butt—to see if the elevation makes the experience more enjoyable. If the trial is successful, high-quality wedge pillows can be purchased, and websites like Christian Friendly Sex Positions offer categories of positions specifically designed for use with a wedge.

How to help engaged family members feel comfortable chatting about intimacy without it being weird?

When helping engaged family members, such as a brother, navigate topics like sex and healthy conflict, it is helpful to provide neutral resources like the Starting Life Together bundle or specific podcast episodes (such as 183 to 185). Sharing these a few months before the wedding is often the most "appropriate timing". To keep the conversation from being "weird," Tiera suggests sharing a personal pain point or an area of growth from your own marriage. This changes the posture from "you don't know anything" to "here, we didn't either, but we want you to be prepared". Using a podcast as a free "caveat" makes it easier to hint at a willingness to talk without forcing a vulnerable conversation.

How to prepare during engagement for family planning?

Preparing for family planning during engagement involves thorough research into options like birth control and natural family planning (NFP). Listeners are encouraged to visit episode 167 (the birth control episode), which covers the pros and cons of various methods to help couples make an informed decision. If a couple chooses to track their cycle using natural family planning, they should start as soon as possible, as it takes several cycles to learn the body's fertile signs accurately. Resources like the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility and the Kingdom Sexuality Engagement Guide are essential tools for this stage.

Is it typical for a husband to give up on foreplay after years of marriage?

It is not typical or "normal" for a husband to give up on foreplay, and using the specific language of "giving up" often points to a deeper reason or frustration that needs to be addressed. It may indicate that he feels his efforts aren't working or that there is a disconnect in how the couple gets "warmed up". This situation requires a honest conversation, perhaps involving a professional third party like a sex therapist or counselor. Reframing foreplay as a "team activity" to build connection and fun, rather than a list of requirements, can help make the experience more enjoyable for both. Episode 159 on foreplay is a thorough resource for couples looking to rediscover this aspect of their intimacy.

What is edging?

Edging is the practice of bringing oneself—or one's partner—as close as possible to the point of no return (the line between arousal and orgasm) and then backing off. Couples often do this multiple times in a single session to build arousal and heighten the eventual orgasmic experience. For men, a practical tip to help "back off the line" is to have the spouse pinch his scrotum. Edging is also a primary technique used to overcome premature ejaculation, as practicing this with a spouse utilizes neuroplasticity to help the man gain better control over his body.

Do you all feel like there is more divorce among married couples in the last few years?

While official statistics may vary, the hosts observe that divorce and blended families feel increasingly pronounced and "normalized" in society and even within Christian circles. Factors contributing to this include the extreme busyness of modern life, where the marriage often falls to "third, fourth, or fifth place" behind kids and activities. Social media also plays a role, with "me then and me now" posts showing people who appear "happier" or more fit after a divorce, which can lead others to believe they would also be better off without their spouse.

However, Alana notes that a high-level divorce attorney once shared that many clients regret not fixing their first marriage, as "it's way harder the second time" and involves reliving the hardest years of marriage over and over. Staying married is recognized as "very difficult," but a lasting marriage serves as a "light on a hill" and a testament to the Lord's faithfulness.

Why do men have morning erections? Does it always happen?

Morning erections (or morning wood) are a sign of good physiological health. They occur because the penis requires consistent blood flow during sleep to maintain penile health, and men's testosterone levels are naturally highest in the morning. Interestingly, women experience a similar phenomenon known as lady erections or the morning bean. During REM sleep, blood flow to the genitals increases, causing clitoral and labial engorgement and increased lubrication. These changes are reflexive and tied to the nervous system and hormones rather than conscious sexual dreams. Because the clitoris is made of homologous tissue to the penis, the mechanism is physiologically the same.